Darth Vader of Lame

Many of my readers may wonder how I became such a “Darth Vader of Lame.”

Darth Vader of Lame

Darth Vader of Lame

And thank you for the compliment :D but my story is convoluted and ironic much like young Anakin Skywalker’s tale.

I moved into the area and bought my first house in 2002 after living exclusively in Inman Park. My thoughts on moving into the area were: what a cool little city; it certainly has so much potential to become a thriving commercial area! Just imagine all of the great restaurants, shops, music venues, art galleries, and even a cinema or theater that are likely to pop up in this unexpected Tudor village! Yay!

Avondale’s midi-chlorians were off the charts! You could say the force was strong in Avondale Estates! Do you know what else was strong? My enthusiasm for my newfound stomping grounds!

Progress was slow to arrive in Avondale Estates and I was patiently waiting for the little city to blossom. I figured that Rome was not built in a day, so it may take a few years for progress to develop in my new neighborhood.

You can also make the argument that many people were preoccupied with national matters such as wars to “spread democracy”, the price of gasoline, supporting our troops who were bravely fighting for our right to cheap gas, chasing boogeymen hiding in distant caves, getting to the airport early so you could prove you were not a terrorist by willfully submitting to unconstitutional searches, making sure that gay people are never allowed to get married, allowing our leaders to ruin the economy with unsustainable tax cuts and endless wars. The list of distractions goes on and on…

You could say that many of us were hiding under a rock occasionally popping our head out every once in awhile to see if it was safe to come out yet!

Is it safe to come out yet?

So I understand how progress could be so slow.

Just as I was losing hope in the city’s urban renewal, there were plans being enacted to bring in a Publix grocery store and a shopping center to Avondale Estates! Many existing shops and restaurants were even relocated. Avondale Pizza Cafe was one such establishment that moved from it’s historic location to the not so historic Twin Oaks strip mall. The Waffle House alternative known as Thumbs Up diner disappeared from the area all together; not sure what happened there because I heard they were just relocating as well.

Then there is the curious case of the famous Erector Set building on College Avenue. How did it get there? Who built it and why? Are they ever coming back to finish it? Why is this blog post so long……..??

Avondale Estates famous "unfinished building"

Avondale Estates: Famous for it’s unfinished building

After disrupting many of the Avondale businesses, the Publix store and shopping center never materialized. Of course it was the year of economic doom, 2008, when the banks collapsed and had to rob the taxpayers once again to save their unaccountable behinds.

Despite all planning, disrupting, moving and building the commercial area was left fractured and dispersed. This is about when I started to turn to the dark side.

If you could just come to the dark side, that would be great!

Join me, won’t you? Together we can keep Avondale Estates Lame forever!! Muahahahaha!

(Warning, the video embedded below contains profanity!)


Read the Signs, Avondale!

There are mixed signs about our progress in keeping Avondale Estates Lame:
 
I noticed the sign at the abandoned James Joyce Irish Pub went from “CLOSED” to “LOSE”!!

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign


I think someone is trying to send us a message? ;-)
 
Also note how the “For sale” sign on top says “turnkey restaurant”. I think this is a sign from GOD for Chik-Fil-A to move in and help keep Avondale Lame!!
 
Speaking of restaurants, Pallookaville posted a copy of their building permit on the door of former Hutchins Print Shoppe. Also, the window AC units have vanished! Please don’t harsh our Lame by building a successful restaurant!?!?
Pallookaville Building Permit Taunts our Lameness!

Pallookaville Building Permit Taunts our Lameness!


In other news, reliable sources have informed me that renovations are underway behind the scenes in the Tudor Village. It looks like Oakhurst Realty Partners might be taking their investment in our Lame town seriously!
 
- Mayor of Lame

All’s Lame that Ends Lame!

How long must I keep up this fight to keep Avondale Estates lame without any significant opposition?

Making Lists for Comparison

Let’s make a list of reasons that help maintain Avondale’s lameness and then another list of signs of so-called progress:

Maintains Avondale Estates Lameness List

  • Unfinished building still unfinished and eye-sorey as ever…*Check!

    Avondale Estates famous "unfinished building"

    Avondale Estates: Still famous for it’s unfinished building

 

  • Tudor Village is still mostly untouched, vacant and for lease…*Check!

    Tudor Village Still Mostly Vacant

    Tudor Village Still Mostly Vacant

 

 

  • Still plenty of empty lots…*Check!

    Lots of Retail Space Available!

    Lots of Retail Space Available!

 

  • The city has approved golf carts…ummm, I mean “motorized carts”…*Check!

    Golf carts! (Without the Golf)

    Golf carts! (Without the Golf)

 

 

So-Called Progress List

Now let’s look at the so-called progress:

  • Oakhurst Realty Partners purchased the Tudor Village
  1. Still not renovated 7 months later (correct me if I’m wrong?)
  2. Still mostly vacant
  1. This may actually put a dent in Avondale’s Lame.
  1. If they did, they might balance out the dent in Avondale’s Lame caused by the new restaurant.
  1. The city overlooked me? smh.
  2. Oh well, she has her work cut out for her.
  • The city has approved motorized carts
  1. What good are golf carts without a golf course?
  2. Where is the Country Club?

Summary

In summary, the opposition to Lame is mounting but i just feel like their heart is not in the game yet.

Step up to the plate Avondale, and let’s play ball!

Avondale Estates Buys License Plate Reader to Spare Police from Tedious Typing of Tag Numbers

Keeping Avondale Estates Lame with Fancy Surveillance Tech

Avondale Estates Police Protecting and Serving Revenue for the City


Fellow Avondale Estates taxpayers,

City commissioners have unanimously approved the $19,560 purchase of a car-mounted license plate reader system.

This technology will relieve our avondale estates police officers of the burden of tag number typing. There have been reports of carpal-tunnel and wrist fatigue. Also, everybody knows it’s not easy typing tag numbers and dispatching doughnuts at the same time.

I know this may sound like a lot of taxpayer money but I believe this purchase will reinforce the Lame buffer zone and also raise more funds for the city!

Please demonstrate you appreciation to your commissioners so we can free up more taxpayer money for other revenue-generating technology to keep Avondale Lame!

“No Respect”

Ok, I know it’s been a while since I posted but I just checked and (whew!) Avondale is still Lame!

The Tudor Village, which was sold to Oakhurst Realty Partners recently, is as Lame as ever!

Rumors have it that the new proprietors of Tudor central have made no major renovations, although the window AC units do look newish to me (who needs central heating and air? Just upgrade the window units!).

I was concerned that they would invest and upgrade the existing infrastructure like many real estate firms do when they take on a new property but so far just a few for lease signs. I am relieved they are keeping it Lame.

I am a little concerned about reports of a faulty electrical system in the Tudor building and the potential fire hazard it could represent. Hopefully, Oakhurst Realty is planning on electrical system upgrades soon.

Many readers may be surprised by my concern but…I would like to keep Avondale Lame, not burn the place down!

By keeping Avondale Lame, we achieve less traffic in our neighborhood (especially “behind the hedges”) because the Tudor Village is the buffer zone; just up yonder Clarendon Road lies the dreaded Scottdale – Dekalb county’s most infamous neighborhood!
You see, we need a Lame buffer; the hedges are no longer sufficient.

Oakhurst Realty Partners may contact me through my contact page if they would like to keep me informed of pending upgrades to the Tudor village.

I was a little miffed that I wasn’t invited to the official Ribbon-cutting event in front of the Tudor Village! What’s up with that? Right after I blogged about how Lame the Tudor Village was, it was sold to Oakhurst Realty. Maybe I should get a commission?

Reminds me of the late great Rodney Dangerfield: “That’s the story of my life! No respect!”

- Mayor of Lame

Chik-Fil-Lame

Chik-Fil-Lame

Please help us land a Chik-Fil-A in our lame city.


Dear Dan Cathy of Chik-Fil-A,

Please consider expanding your business into Avondale Estates, Georgia by putting one of your restaurants in one of our vacant properties.

I hear that recently you got some feedback on your initiative to protect traditional marriage and we here at Keep Avondale Estates Lame are sympathetic to your cause.

Considering that Avondale Estates is One of ‘Gayest Zip Codes’ In U.S. you will have plenty of opportunities to convert gays and lesbians back to being straight by your gentle biblical and gustatory persuasion (not to mention the effect of the chemicals in the fried chicken).

We hope you will join us in one of the lamest neighborhoods in the US and with your help, we have great potential to become the lamest!

Yours Truly,

Mayor of Lame.

Like More Chikin?

They mean “Like More Chikin”, right?

Long-Time Owners Sell Main Street Structure! Will New Owners Keep It Lame?

According to this article:

Decatur Firm Buys Downtown Avondale Estates

The owners of Avondale Estates main attraction have decided to sell the property because “It’s time for some new blood to come in.”

Avondales Lamest Central Property Changes Hands!

Let’s pray the new owner’s are as lame as the last ones!

Our question is:

What guarantees do we have that Oakhurst Realty Partners will keep that property lame?

Upon perusing ORP’s website I am seeing some very “progressive” properties. This is not the kind of lameness we are used to.

Let’s just hope and pray that ORP keeps it lame the Avondale Estates way, otherwise our community will experience an unwanted increase in commerce.

Rumors About a Crumbling Facade

Apparently some people believe that the structure at the corner of Clarendon and Avondale Road is owned by an out-of-state resident of limited interest in fixing up the property. This rumor is entirely untrue, and the property owner has actually had to increase the rent to keep up with the brisk pace of “renovations”. Tales of an ailing Tudor facade, rat infestations, dangerous wiring and leaky window A/C units are highly exaggerated ;-)

Tales of Delapidated Tudor Monstrosity untrue.

No need to check for building code violations here. Look the other way, please.

As the central attraction and retail center of the city I think we should keep with our policy of looking the other way. Even if the main attraction was in bad shape, less visitors will come so no need to enforce code violations…Also, businesses will attract less commerce and ultimately move or go out of business. That’s not so bad, in fact that would be lame!

Oh, and I saw an article on the Decatur/Avondale Patch asking about one of Avondale’s many empty storefronts, please support our efforts to keep Avondale lame by adding your comments to their article.

What should go in this empty storefront?

Welcome to Avondale Estates, Georgia!

Fancy New Sign

Fancy New Avondale Estates Sign

Avondale Estates, Georgia is a small community between Decatur and the Dekalb County Jail that is just fine as it is. We don’t need progress in Avondale Estates, because we have all we need in our little neighborhood.

Retail Space Available

We don't need more businesses in Avondale Estates!

We don’t need new businesses to fill our empty storefronts, that would bring unwanted traffic.

Empty Store Fronts

We don’t need a thriving downtown, that would just attract riff-raff.

Speaking of riff-raff, did we mention we have our own police department? They raise lot’s of money for our city hall catching speeders on our main thoroughfare.  :-D

Avondale Estates Police

Protecting and Serving Traffic Tickets for City Hall

Never mind the unfinished building at the corner of East College and Maple Street, it’s a “work in progress”.

Avondale Estates famous "unfinished building"

Avondale Estates: Famous for it's unfinished building

The neighborhood was built back in the 1920′s by George Francis Willis to create a “planned community”. Well that plan has come to fruition in the most perfect community ever. So don’t ever change it. Seriously.

Avondale Estates Downtown

Ye Olde Avondale Estates

The downtown, modeled after Stratford-upon-Avon in England is designed in a Tudor Style as are some houses in the neighborhood. The theater,  previously the longest running professional theater in Georgia beginning in 1956, is now inhabited mostly by rats and the occasional recording artist. Which is how we like it.

Waffle House got their start here so now we have a lame museum that is never open to the public and has a sign with scary lettering.

Waffle House's Birthplace

Waffle House's Birthplace, it's a museum now that's never open

Just down the street is the modern-day Waffle House where you can grab a greasy bite of hashbrowns; scattered well, covered, smothered and diced.

Waffle House

This Waffle House Serves Food...Kiss Mah Grits!

Don’t pay attention to any of the art galleries or studios of the Rail Arts District. We keep them tucked away for a reason.

Rail Arts District

Rail Arts District in its secret location. Shhhh!

In summary, if you are visiting us here in Avondale Estates, leave everything the f**k alone!

Thank you,

Keep Avondale Estates Lame